Tag Archives: thich nhat hanh

What have I learnt?

My eight months in Thailand are nearly over – in two more days I’m flying back to Australia.  I’ve been reflecting on what I have learnt during this adventure.  I’ve learnt things during my time at the temple, on Koh Tao doing my dive master training, at the Rotary Peace Fellowship at Chulalongkorn University, and even on the plane flying over here!  There is far too much to fit into one blog post, but here are 10 lessons that I’ve learnt that will make a difference to how I live my life from now on.

1.  Fit your own oxygen mask before assisting those around you

Eight months ago, as I was settling myself into my seat for my flight to Bangkok, the flight attendant gave this very important safety advice.  However, the advice is useful in a much broader sense in life.  If you don’t look after your own well-being, you are not able to be any help to others.  This connects with another important lesson I learnt during my time at the temple:

2.  Be compassionate to others, and also to yourself

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” Dalai Lama

Being compassionate to others is not about pity, and it’s not about only being compassionate to those who are ‘worthy’.  True compassion is that which we feel when we are confronted by someone who we find incredibly difficult, ignorant, rude, violent or evil – it’s about understanding that those people are suffering and their behaviour stems from this intrinsic suffering.  It’s about wanting the best for them so that they have an opportunity to break free from their suffering and become the good person that is trapped within all the bad habits and thoughts they have built around themselves.

Being compassionate to yourself is about recognising that you are only human; that you are not perfect; that you have a lot of potential to improve yourself – and it’s especially about realising that this is ok!  It’s about understanding your own suffering and wanting the best for yourself, so that you can be the best person you can be, and be happy!

3.  Always see the good and rejoice in the merits of others

Encouraging and honouring the goodness of others is really important.  We do not do this enough in life.  We are quick to criticise others, and to notice faults. We may think that some casual compliments are enough to make up for this, but while commenting on somebody’s outfit or hair style is a nice gesture, it’s not very meaningful.

Think about the qualities and behaviours that you admire in others and aspire to develop in yourself, then look for them in those around you. Look actively for the good in others, and let them know that you have seen it.  There is nothing that makes a person feel so truly understood as when another acknowledges something good about them.  It builds a connection and motivates that person to continue with that goodness.

4.  It’s more important to be good, than to be right.

There is an important distinction between good and bad, and right and wrong.  A person may be right, but if they are not good, then they may be right for the wrong reasons, or by accident.  Whereas if a person is good, they may be wrong, but they will be motivated to try to make it right.  A person who is truly good will be right most of the time anyway.

5.  Wisdom is far more important than knowledge

No amount of knowledge in the world is valuable unless the person with the knowledge also has the wisdom to use that knowledge effectively.  Even if a person has no formal education, if they have wisdom they can contribute an enormous amount to the world.  We need to spend time and effort developing our wisdom, not just accumulating more academic qualifications.

6.  The worst thing you can be is unwise and active

The monks taught me that there were four different relationships between wisdom and action:

1.  You can be wise and active

2. You can be unwise and inactive

3. You can be wise and inactive

4. You can be unwise and active

The first relationship is clearly the best.  If you are wise, and you are active, you will do good.  The second relationship is, perhaps counter-intuitively, the second-best option.  This is because, if you are unwise, doing nothing is actually the most sensible course of action.  The third relationship is actually worse – if you are wise and inactive, then you are not doing as much with your wisdom as you can.  The last relationship is the most dangerous – if you are unwise and active, you are likely to do more harm than good, despite your best intentions.

The monks’ teachings were reinforced in our Peace Fellowship lectures on Mary Anderson’s principles of “do no harm”.

7.  Think about how you use the energy you consume

We think a lot about the purity of the food we eat – we take care to avoid artificial colours and preservatives, we try to eat low-fat, healthy meals.  However, the monks taught me that the purity of our food is more than just its nutritional values.  It involves four different factors:

  1. Nutritional value
  2. The origin of the food (e.g. whether we stole or killed for the food)
  3. The mood in which you eat it (e.g. if you eat in a bad temper you might get indigestion!)
  4. The way in which you expend the energy that you gain from that food (i.e. do you use the energy to do something bad, or something good and constructive).

How do you use your energy?

8. Remember to breathe

During my Dive Master training on Koh Tao, I was reminded of the first rule of scuba diving, and of life – always remember to breathe!

I would add to that the notion of mindfulness – and the usefulness of the breath to bring you back to the present moment.  Thich Nhat Hanh has a lovely meditation to use while concentrating on your breathing:  “Breathing in, I dwell deeply in the present moment; Breathing out, I know this is a wonderful moment.”

Learning to scuba dive, and breathe underwater, you are suddenly acutely aware of every breath in and every breath out, and there are pretty dire consequences if you hold your breath.  For me, working with first-time dive students was the perfect reminder about something that I had started to take for granted – how magical it is to breathe underwater.  It made me start to again notice every breath, how deep it was, how the pressure of the water affected the feeling in my lungs…Who’d have thought that scuba diving was so good for meditation!

9.  Always leave a bit of air in the tank

Another important bit of advice for scuba diving and life in general! You never know when you are going to need that little bit of reserve for an emergency!

10.  Don’t waste a moment!

These eight months have flown by so quickly that it has reminded me that there is no time to waste!  If there’s something that you want to do – do it now!  If there’s something that you need to say – say it now! Live every moment to its fullest, learn from everyone and everything around you, do as much good as you can cram into every twenty-four hour period (including taking good care of yourself).

This morning prayer by Thich Nhat Hanh is now the first thing I read every morning.  It reminds me of how I want to live my life, day by day:



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Alcohol (and why I’m not drinking it)

I’ve decided to stop drinking alcohol.  I have been trying not to drink alcohol for the past year (although admittedly I have had a few drinks on ‘special occasions’).  I’m going to try to stop completely from now on.  I’ve made this decision after a lot of thinking and meditating and based on a number of reasons that I will try to explain.  Some of this is going to sound really preachy and I’m sure some of you will be thinking “oh no, she’s gone all holier-than-thou and high-maintenance” and will think twice about asking me to join you for dinner or to go out for drinks in the future!  Let me state right up front – I’m not going to start saying ‘tsk tsk’ to anyone who has a drink in my presence.  I have made this decision for myself for my own reasons.  Everyone else can make up their own minds.  Also, I’m not entirely convinced that I am going to be completely successful in abstaining indefinitely.  But I’m going to try.  I think it will be at the very least an interesting experiment to see whether I can have as much fun (or maybe even more) sober than I can when I’m drinking.  And for all my friends, family and former drinking buddies, think of it this way: you’ll always have a designated driver and I’m going to be a cheap date!

I’ve never really been a big drinker, although I have had a couple of periods in my life when I’ve tried my best to write myself off on a regular basis.  In hindsight, I can see clearly what led to those binges – always because I was really unhappy, and usually because of a relationship breakup.  Somehow I managed to avoid the whole 20-something binge drinking stage.  I was too busy working or training to be able to write off a weekend on drinking and sleeping.  I guess I’ve always been an ‘early to bed, early to rise’ kind of girl.

Reflecting back on my binge times, they were definitely not some of my proudest moments.  After a few drinks I have said things that were hilariously funny at the time, but were mean and hurtful in the cold sober light of day afterwards.  I’ve told outrageous lies that seemed completely feasible after a night of drinking and that I’ve then had to somehow explain away for weeks afterwards.  I’ve agreed to things that I never would have done sober.  I’ve danced like a lunatic; fallen over; slurred my words; on one ‘memorable’ night decided to take up smoking and ended up sick as a dog for two days afterwards; lost my purse; ended up in various states of undress; almost been arrested; missed a flight due to a hangover; broke at least one heart; and generally in a multitude of ways embarrassed myself.  I am shocked at myself after having written all that… imagine what I could have done if I had been a big drinker!

Having said that, I have also had some really fun times and I have some great memories (and photos!) of alcohol induced hilarity.  There’s no doubt, alcohol can make for a fun night out.  Personally, drinking (up to a point) makes me more confident, less inhibited, a better dancer, more entertaining, and braver in getting what I want.  (Actually, I think I’ve started, and ended, some relationships as a direct consequence of being in that state!)  I guess the questions for me now are: Whether I got what I wanted, or what I needed?  And even assuming that I got what I needed, how sustainable was it given that most of the time I am sober and hence not so confident, an average dancer, etc.?  How sensible was it to rely on alcohol to provide this temporary “self-improvement’?  Was there a better way for me to more permanently (and less riskily) improve myself in these ways?

The risk part is the most problematic aspect.  Alcohol in moderation may be fun, but there’s a fine line between improvement and impairment, between glory and humiliation!  I would like to think that I can control my alcohol intake to be able to draw that line.  But in all honesty, I can’t tell you how many times “just one or two drinks” has turned into an all-night party and an all-day hangover.  The problem for me is that when I am making the decision about whether or not to have that third or fourth drink, my decision-making ability is already impaired.

Maybe I’m just a two-pot screamer; maybe I’m just getting old; maybe I am getting self-righteous as my own ‘goody-two-shoes’ version of a mid-life crisis!  In any case, what the decision boils down to for me is that alcohol is something that I don’t need.  It’s something that I can fairly easily give up without having a significant impact on my life.  I can put the money that I used to spend on alcohol and the time I used to waste recovering from its effects to better use.

Here are some of the things that I have been thinking about for the past 10 weeks here at the temple.  Some of these things relate directly to what I’ve been learning about Buddhism.   Some are my own observations based on some serious thinking about this issue from a Western, non-Buddhist perspective.

Buddhists are not supposed to drink alcohol.  This is one of the five precepts that all Buddhists should keep in their daily life:

1. Not to kill living beings

2. Not to steal

3. Not to commit adultery

4. Not to tell lies

5. Not knowingly to drink alcohol or consume intoxicants.

In Buddhism, breaking the fifth precept is actually the most serious of all.

If you consider self-discipline based on the Five Precepts, you will find that each of the Five Precepts are more or less independent from one another — except for the fifth. If you break the any of the first four precepts, normally it will not cause any other of the Precepts to be broken. However, if the Fifth Precept is ever broken, it subsequently increases the risk of breaking all the other four Precepts.

When you drink, you say more than you mean to, some is true, the rest breaks the fourth Precept. If you have some latent adulterous tendencies, they will manifest themselves when you are drunk. If you have tendencies to steal then you will find it hard to keep your hands to yourself when you are drunk. If you are normally bad-tempered, when you are drunk you will be uninhibited in your violence. Alcohol may be the single reason why you break all the Precepts. (A Manual of Peace, page 234).

Even if you are not Buddhist, there are many good reasons not to drink alcohol.  However, many people will say that there are also good reasons not to stop drinking alcohol. Let’s have a closer look at some of the pros and cons of alcohol consumption, from a Buddhist and a non-Buddhist perspective.

Health and physical well-being

Alcohol consumption leads to many deaths each year. Alcoholism is the third most common preventable cause of death in the USA after smoking and obesity. These deaths may be from health complications caused by alcohol (e.g. csirhosis of the liver) or from accidents caused because of alcohol (e.g. drink drivers).

Alcohol also creates a risk to children.  There is a health risk to unborn babies when a woman drinks alcohol while pregnant.  Also, when parents drink alcohol they may not be as alert and thus less able to protect their children from harm.

Speaking of obesity, alcohol is quite fattening but does not have great nutritional value.  Alcohol is metabolized extremely quickly by the body.  The liver, which normally metabolizes fatty acids, first metabolizes any alcohol in our system, and lets the fatty acids accumulate.  When alcohol is consumed regularly, this can permanently change the liver cell structure, leading to a fatty and less well functioning liver.

The World Health Organisation, in a document called “Healthy Living” explains the physical risks of alcohol consumption:

The risks to you:

  • Raised blood pressure which increases the risk of Stroke;
  • Stomach disorders;
  • Depression and emotional disorders;
  • Cancers, particularly of the mouth, throat and gullet;
  • Hepatitis and cirrhosis of the liver;
  • Malnutrition;
  • Accidents, at home, at work and on the roads;
  • Suicide.

The risks to your family:

  • Violence, accidents (perhaps influenced by you);
  • Less to spend on food (leading to poor nutrition);
  • If you are pregnant you can damage your baby by drinking alcohol.

Admittedly, there are also some studies that show that moderate consumption of alcohol has some health benefits.  I guess the question for me is whether or not those benefits outweigh the risks and the benefits of not drinking.

Mind

Alcohol also has an effect on your mind, both short term and long term. The World Health Organisation describes some fairly serious mental health consequences of alcohol consumption, including depression and emotional disorders, suicide, poor role model for children, and an increased risk of divorce.

Most of us may not be at risk of such serious consequences, but it is still worth considering how our mind is impacted by the consumption of alcohol.  We need to consider two aspects:

  • Our state of mind in deciding to drink alcohol (ie. why we drink it, the cause); and
  • The effect on our state of mind of drinking alcohol.

CAUSE: Why do we drink?

Most people I know, and honestly I have to include myself in this, enjoy having a drink or two.  It hasn’t always been easy for me not to drink alcohol over the past year, and I confess to having not been perfect in this respect.  Christmas Day, and the few days before leaving Melbourne were both invested with such a sense of occasion that I weakened my resolve and had a few drinks.  It also seemed like the appropriate social thing to do (see more about this below).

I admit I did enjoy the champagne!  However, there are lots of things I enjoy that are probably not very good for me.  Why do we minimise some things and not others?  For example, I love lamingtons and chocolate mint slice biscuits, but I wouldn’t have two every night when I get home from work.  But there was a time in my life when having a couple of glasses of wine or beers after work each night was a normal thing to do.  What is the difference?

I guess the burning question is “why exactly do we enjoy drinking”?  This is a really difficult question to answer.  I can come up with a few possible answers: I like the taste, it’s sociable, it makes me feel more relaxed, it makes me less inhibited and more fun to be around (this last one is probably arguable, depending on whether you think loud talking, bad singing and silly dancing is fun to be around, and is also inversely proportional to the amount of alcohol that I consume).  Again, there are potentially good and bad reasons to drink, just like there are potentially positive and negative consequences of doing so.  Everyone needs to make their own decision about how to weigh up the pros and cons.

In the West, drinking is what we do to socialise.  We go out for drinks.  We have a nice bottle of wine over dinner, or with cheese and crackers.  We have a few beers at the footy.  The other night I was watching a television show and a family was clinking their glasses of wine over Christmas dinner, and I suddenly felt a great sense of loss at having decided not to drink wine any more.  I wanted to be in that picture, clinking glasses and laughing.  Afterwards, I thought about this and tried to identify what it was that I felt that I was missing.  Was it the sense of being with a group of people who were happy and laughing and enjoying themselves, or was it the wine.  I tried to picture the scene with everyone clinking glasses of orange juice.  It seemed a little weird.  I struggled to imagine everyone quite as happy without the wine.  The more I thought about it, the more this began to disturb me.  Why did I felt that without the alcohol everyone would not be as happy?  Was I effectively saying to myself that we needed the alcohol in order to be happy?  What did that say about us?  Why shouldn’t we be able to be as happy without the alcohol?  The idealist in me believes that we could, and that it’s just habit that makes us automatically include alcohol in those kinds of situations.  Could we unlearn that habit and still have as much of a good time?  I would like to think so, otherwise it’s a pretty sad state of affairs if we are not able to be happy without alcohol in our system.

We sometimes use alcohol in a kind of medicinal sense, to relax us and make us feel better.  We have a rough day.  We have worked hard all week.  We deserve a drink.  Our girlfriend/boyfriend has just dumped us.  We need to forget how much this hurts.  Many people use alcohol as a way of avoiding having to deal with difficulties that arise in life.

Thich Nhat Hanh explains:

“Sometimes we don’t need to eat or drink as much as we do, but it has become a kind of addiction.  We feel so lonely.  Loneliness is one of the afflictions of modern life… We feel lonely so we engage in conversation, or even a sexual relationship, hoping that the feeling of loneliness will go away.  Drinking and eating can also be the result of loneliness.  You want to drink or overeat in order to forget your loneliness, but what you eat may bring toxins into your body.  When you are lonely, you open the refrigerator, watch TV, read magazines or novels, or pick up the telephone to talk.  But unmindful consumption always makes things worse.” (For a Future to be Possible: Commentaries on the Five Wonderful Precepts, 1993).

Buddhism encourages people to deal with life’s difficulties and challenges in a highly conscious and intentional way. It encourages individuals to view problems as opportunities to learn and grow. By practicing meditation, an individual can develop the courage and determination to deal with life, rather than rely on alcohol to create an artificial sense of contentment.

Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us that “we have to touch the feeling of deep-seated well being within ourselves” without having to rely on what we consume to give us that sense of happiness.  He also points out that we need not deprive ourselves of the joys of living:

We know that there are many items that are nutritious, healthy and delightful that we can consume every day when we refrain from consuming alcohol.  There are so many delicious and wholesome alternatives: fruit juices, teas, mineral waters.  We don’t have to deprive ourselves of the joys of living, not at all.  There are many beautiful, informative and entertaining programs on television.  There are many excellent books and magazines to read.  There are many wonderful people and many healthy subjects to talk about.

EFFECTS: What are the consequences on our mind?

I’ve already discussed the potential serious physical harm and health impacts of drinking alcohol.  Alcohol also has an effect on our mind.

Alcohol can encourage irresponsibility, making it difficult for us to be responsible for the consequences of your own actions, speech and thoughts. We say things we shouldn’t say; we do things we shouldn’t do; we embarrass ourselves; we damage our reputation or others’.

Alcohol can damage friendships and relationships.  People may start out drinking to be sociable, but at the end of the night they may be breaking bottles over one another’s heads.  Or they may be saying things that they would not be saying if they were sober.  Or they may be doing things that they would not be doing if they were not under the influence of alcohol.

Even if we have a fabulous time and manage to avoid doing anything too damaging to our own or others’ bodies, minds or reputations, the next day we are likely to have a hangover and waste time that we could have used more productively.

How do we use the energy we gain from alcohol?

When we think about the health impacts of what we consume, we usually think about the quality of the food or drink, it’s nutritional value, whether or not it has any impurities such as bacteria or artificial preservatives. However, we rarely think of the impact of how we tend to use the energy that we gain from what we consume.  It is important to consider how we use our energy, and whether we use if for something positive or something less worthwhile.

For example, in the morning you wake up and eat breakfast.  This provides you with calories that you can burn as energy during your daily activities.  You probably burn some of that energy getting to work (walking to the bus, riding your bike, etc.) and you burn some more of that energy working so that you can earn an income to provide food and shelter for you and your family.  While we can also use the energy provided by our daily meals for less worthwhile purposes, we are more likely to make smart choices about our actions while we are sober!

Buddhism suggests that we should be very careful about what we take into our bodies, and also about how we use the energy that we gain from what we consume, so that we are not wasteful and we expend our energy doing things that are worthwhile.

It’s worth thinking about the kinds of activities that we tend to engage in after drinking.  For most people the activities are probably not that harmful, but a more important question is whether the activities are particularly helpful.

After a few drinks, you might engage in some extra loud singing, some outrageous dance moves, or even take a nap.  However, if you can’t keep your drinking under control you might do some things that are not sensible at all, and which you might live to regret.

Even if you are able to control your drinking to such a level that you do not create any harm, physical or mental, to yourself or others, ask yourself: Could you be putting your energy to better use?  Are you wasting energy on frivolous activities when that energy could be better used elsewhere?  If you’re struggling a bit with the notion of alcohol as energy, try substituting the word ‘energy’ for ‘money’ in these questions.

How much money do we spend on alcohol?

Alcohol is expensive.  Even if you can afford it, and you and your family are not starving, it’s worth thinking about whether or not that money could be put to better use. Every day forty thousand people starve to death in a world where there is an abundance of food. The Word Bank official poverty line is $1.25 a day.  Figures from August 2008 show that about 1.4 billion people in the developing world (that’s one in every four people) were living on less than $1.25 a day (that’s about $8.75 a week).

Peter Singer in his book “The Life You Can Save” (http://www.thelifeyoucansave.com/index.html) asks us to think about how much money we spend on things that are not really necessary (like alcohol), while there are people starving and dying because they do not have enough money to eat and obtain medical treatment.

Let’s say you drink two bottles of wine each week, and they cost about $18.00 each.  So you spend $36 a week on alcohol.  That same amount of money could:

  • Be used to allow four people to eat two meals for a day instead of just one a day for an entire week;
  • Mean the difference between life and death for a sick child, whose parents can’t afford the cost of taking it to a hospital for treatment.

While it’s admittedly not easy to get that money directly to those who need it, it’s not impossible.  And the fact that if we donate $36 a week, only some of it will actually turn into food or medical treatment for those in need is not a reason not to help.  Some money is better than none at all.  Read Peter Singer’s book and do the maths for yourself.  Are you spending as much (or more) money on alcohol as some people have to feed their families for the week?

Is alcohol acceptable if used in moderation?

Mindfulness is central to Buddhist philosophy. This concept requires a constant awareness of changes occurring in the mind and body. Mindfulness enables the individual to react wisely to emotions and sensations when they arise.  Even a small amount of alcohol can affect our ability to think clearly and react wisely.

Intoxication is bringing something into yourself to manipulate your experience, as a way to soothe and distract ourselves from the direct and intimate experience of life.  Whatever we use to distract ourselves into heedlessness is an intoxicant.  This could include something other than alcohol (such as coffee, chocolate, power, food).  This doesn’t mean that we have to give up anything that we enjoy. However, it does mean that we should consciously decide how much of an impact any potential intoxicant has on our ability to remain clear and focused and to keep control of our thoughts and actions.  This decision requires quite a lot of spiritual maturity and self-honesty. It also means that we have to have the insight and will power to ensure that if we do drink, we can stop before it has a significant impact on our sense of clarity and responsibility for our own thoughts and actions.

Thich Nhat Hanh explains:

There are people who drink alcohol and get drunk, who destroy their bodies, their families, their society. They should refrain from drinking. But you who have been having a glass of wine every week during the last thirty years without doing any harm to yourself, why should you stop that? What is the use of practicing this precept if drinking alcohol does not harm you or other people? Although you have not harmed yourself during the last thirty years by drinking just one or two glasses of wine every week, the fact is that it may have an effect on your children, your grandchildren, and your society. We only need to look deeply in order to see it. You are practicing not for yourself alone, but for everyone. Your children might have a propensity for alcoholism and, seeing you drinking wine every week, one of them may become alcoholic in the future. If you abandon your two glasses of wine, it is to show your children, your friends, and your society that your life is not only for yourself. Your life is for your ancestors, future generations, and also your society. To stop drinking two glasses of wine every week is a very deep practice, even if it has not brought you any harm.

Giving up drinking

Giving up drinking is not easy.  In the Western world there is considerable peer pressure around alcohol consumption.  If someone offers you a drink and you decline, they are likely to think you are weird (or a closet alcoholic).  For some reason, some people seem to be personally offended at another person’s choice not to drink, and will try very hard to persuade the non-drinker to drink with them.  What is this about?  Why do some people find it so difficult to accept another person’s decision not to drink?  This is a very interesting question to think more deeply about.

The Buddha taught that true happiness was to be found in letting go of attachments. Many people are deeply attached to the feelings they experience when drinking alcohol. Through meditation it is possible to let go of this attachment. Buddhist meditation has even been successful in treating alcoholism.

Thich Nhat Hanh expresses a vow to keep the fifth precept in these words:

Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful consumption, I vow to cultivate good health, both physical and mental, for myself, my family, and my society by practicing mindful eating, drinking and consuming. I vow to ingest only items that preserve peace, well-being and joy in my body, in my consciousness, and in the collective body and consciousness of my family and society. I am determined not to use alcohol or any other intoxicant or to ingest foods or other items that contain toxins, such as certain TV programs, magazines, books, films and conversations. I am aware that to damage my body or my consciousness with these poisons is to betray my ancestors, my parents, my society and future generations. I will work to transform violence, fear, anger and confusion in myself and in society by practicing a diet for myself and for society. I understand that a proper diet is crucial for self-transformation and for the transformation of society.

He acknowledges that nobody, not even the Buddha, can practice the precepts perfectly.  We are all, after all, human.  But this is no reason not to try.